I have been working hard for the past few weeks. Or perhaps always. This is the 5th day I am sick and I went to see doctor reluctantly on wed evening after work. I dreamt of you that night. Something is wrong with the medication, Seriously. It makes me dream of you...subconsciously.
Went to work as usual but every night my condition always got worse, I didnt know why. Today is supposed to be an off day given to me by company due to National day holiday. Guess where did i end up. I woke up at 7.45 am and landed myself at center working from 11-4pm. Tuition was cancelled last minute because Kelvin called me up and say they are gg out to celebrate their dad's bdae. Heartache was wad I felt at that instant.(Not relief tt I can rest) $45 gone. Not forgetting the money spent on seeing doc. I am making a damn big loss this week.
I have always been making myself bz. This time, I choose to take up tutoring and start learning driving during IA period. My schedule is practically full till the brim. I did that purposely. Because someway back in time, I had lost my purpose of life, work and studies. I woke up every morning doing monotonous tasks without a sense of belonging. That's why I went to work on the eve of exam, that's why I nv take break from the so-call 'holidays' that were officially given to me. I find no point resting. It juz makes me feel more...l.o.s.t. Lost in a familar place where the pace of people is pursuing things they want and mine juz seems to be...pursuing something..something I dont know what is it. Something.
And I ponder...
Did I lose my purpose or I didnt have any purpose in the first place.
I m so lost.
Nxt Sat, I am gg for a Art therapy workshop, sponsored by Tr Ying. Let's see if the therapy can help me to find back myself...
posted by liting @ 10:29 pm
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